there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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