no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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