i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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