My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
