i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
