You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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