Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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