U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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