butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
