My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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