dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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