I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
