There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
