oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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