what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize