I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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