its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
