In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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