Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
