she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
