Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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