Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
