why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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