i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
