Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
