So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
