had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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