dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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