I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
