There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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