Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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