Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
