GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My cat gives me a boner
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
