what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i believe in u and ur pee
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
