just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
