Jerry, you need to find god
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
