Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
