One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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