The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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