im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
