when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
