If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
