my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
