theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
