yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
