CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
