it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
