yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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