the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
