Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
