Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
