I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
