in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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