The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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