hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
