u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
