I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
