We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize