Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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