I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
