I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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