those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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