Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
