Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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