I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
