Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
