How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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