Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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